I’m ride or die until 9p or so…

My sister got me this shirt intending that I can’t stay awake past 9p. This shirt fits me perfectly, but for other reasons. I’m fine past 9p, it’s just that I get tired of people after a certain amount of time. And if I’ve been at it all day, then I need time alone sooner than later to recharge my social battery.

Let me explain. I’m a people person by nature, but with conditions. I am cool with many, but only have a handful of close friends. I prefer one-on-one individual experiences to larger social gatherings. Spending too much time socializing, especially in a large crowd often leaves me drained and exhausted.

You may say, ok sounds like a typical Introvert- limits her inner circle, prefer hanging along most times. But on the flip, I look forward to meeting new people and am pretty good at chit chatting. So, I can’t truly identify as an Introvert.

Enter the “Extroverted” Introvert, also known as the Social Introvert.

First off, no one is pure Extrovert or Introvert. We are complex beings, and our personalities may change depending on circumstances, goals or energy levels.  Most people land near the middle of the spectrum, while some fall closer to the far ends. If you think of yourself as an Extroverted Introvert, then you’re probably more introverted at heart and just more outgoing than other Introverts. Here’s why….

 Your energy level is closely tied to your environment and are sensitive to your surroundings. It matters to you where you spend your time outside the home. The esthetics of your environment, the type of people and activity can either energize or drain you. Personally, I hate large crowds and loud noises. I’ll get such a buildup of anxiety that it’s really a toss up on whether I’ll have any fun or not. I much prefer low-key experiences than a hyped-up energized environment.

You find people to be both intriguing and exhausting. I’m a huge people watcher and love just sitting and observing. You learn a lot from just observing instead of doing. I also find it fascinating meeting new people and hearing their life stories. But there’s a limit to “people time” because I can only endure so much socializing. So, you may ask, well didn’t you get a part time job at a coffee shop to basically socialize? And yes, that’s true… after working alone all week I do need an outlet to let out all the built energy. But after a busy weekend or a long day at the shop, I do need to recharge by spending time alone or with just one other person.

You can be charming but also deeply introspective and reflective. I’m good at making small talk because I’m curious in nature. Whether it’s at school conferences, meeting new coworkers or business lunches, I’m mostly leading the conversations. Small talk leads to more authentic conversations which is what I’m seeking constantly lol. I also have a knack for getting people talking and being open about themselves.

When you feel rested and recharged, you reach out to others. When my social battery is fully charged, it’s on. I organize and host gatherings, initiate long phone conversations and attend events with large crowds. However, when that battery hits E, then I’m out and like a true Introvert, hibernating at home preferably in my pj’s in bed, watching TV.

You need time to warm up in social situations. I’m shy and will initially come across as quiet and reserved. I don’t like drawing attention to myself and would rather “read” than “work” a room”. I’ll never be the popular girl- and that’s absolutely fine with me. But once I feel comfortable in a social setting, I have no trouble chatting it up. I believe there’s value in making connections with others and truly enjoy hearing about other people’s stories and backgrounds. They mostly do the sharing, but I’ll reveal intimate details about myself once trust is established.

You’re selectively social. This is 100% true for me. There are some people I could hang out with for practically forever. Being with them is easy. We have endless deep conversations and I feel better after spending time with them. Someone called it limiting your “people” energy, and I use my “people” energy wisely lol.

Keep in mind that there’s no wrong way to do introversion. You can be outgoing and still be an Introvert. It’s all about understanding your needs and honoring your own style, even if that means being the life of the party one night and then binge-watching Netflix alone the next night.